The Complete Guide to Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert

Author:Paul Gilbert
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781472106445
Publisher: Little, Brown Book Group

The compassionate mind

In the last chapter we considered compassion based on wisdom, strength, warmth and non-judging or condemning. Our compassionate minds are empathic, kind and understanding. Can we treat ourselves like this so that when we generate alternative thoughts (with our rational minds) we hear them in wise, kind, gentle and helpful tones?

When we get depressed, there are not so many of these positive caring signals. We become more self-critical and generally negative. When times are hard we do not take an understanding, warm and kind approach with thoughts like, ‘Well, this has been hard for me and I am bound to feel sad and disappointed about it.’ Instead, we are more likely to become angry or feel hopeless, rather than understanding and supportive. It is understandable, because that is how the brain works – so we have to make an effort to bring our soothing and gentle system back on line in our brain.

To heal ourselves, there are things we can learn to cultivate a compassionate mind. The compassionate mind, like the rational mind, has certain qualities:

• empathy and sympathy for those who are in pain and hurting

• concern with growth and helping people reach their potential

• concern with supporting, healing and listening to what we and others need

• listening and enquiring about problems in a kind and friendly way

• quick to forgive and never condemning because it understands how hard being a human being is, with our difficult minds and brains that evolution has given us

• not attacking but seeking to bring healing, repair and reunion

• recognizing that life can be painful and that we are all imperfect beings

• not treating ourselves or others simply as objects with a market value – we are points of consciousness travelling through time (see Chapter 7)

• filling our minds with warmth

• helping us to develop courage to face difficulties in life – things we are frightened to confront but which might block our lives and abilities to grow and flourish.

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